Liar, Liar – T’aint right without ‘er

This is Japanese hibachi 101 and if you’re down to suffer the music drowning the instruction thus covering the magic, then yay. If you bore easily, then let’s focus our feasts makings on fried rice.

Watch and see much of the way light coloured things enter not soya sauce. Watch and see the same rice egg and soy make it with they frying fried rice. Watch and see it’s pretty with those carrots and peas.

Magic is often misdirection and that mystery propelled an experience. So cry for the death of magic as…

That I see (guess smartly…yeah right investigated what others reveal.). A platter of about each person dining’s rice… Steamed rice with peas and carrots. Some eggs. 2-3 eggs is sufficient for 6-8 people’s rice. Oil. They are clever with their vegetable oil use as to grilltop temperature uses as it’s very close to flashpoint flammable hot for the flashy fire! Magic that’s a dramatic cook. It’s not recommended. The misdirection continues with seasonings mysterious applied with shakers of bulk seasons so mythic as to be salt and pepper… But shh the Asian hits as the omelette egg is oiled and thus fries… Then the rice is both oiled and buttered and egg mixed in after some very noisy chopping… Ready? No. This is where we see a syrup jug of yum yum sauce

Hibachi Dinner at Home

I link you to “a” recipe so you feel how magic is lost knowing more of what Christmas is now.
This gently warm kept while one fries a steak is a nice home dinner treat. Perhaps not as noisy as the hibachi but far cheaper feeling. It ain’t.. retail groceries getting unless you’re a stay at home army wife with a rooms of children demons is a lesson is add 2 bucks for the dish and go out in a fancy bunch of clothes. But understanding why it tastes as it does or was the laughable talent of twice tripped tang at the flat top that made -a dah magique?

But I watched as it said sesame sauce wouldn’t matter if I couldn’t find it shopping. Liar. I didn’t know about yum yum sauce. But I see poorly so often am visually tricked.


B’linking ‘Bout

I have posted on this before.  I still ain’t made it.  I may.

Where it would be is Turkish delights.  Learning in taste the precursor to gummy worms is the Turkish delight.  But a corn drink?  Not corn syrup drink???

A violinist and the devil.

If classic rock crossed your ears, the devil went down to georgia., Will come up.  No, the song is not about Paganini.




First l- r. Smalls. Baycare set up grant perhaps Uber rides to dialysis in lieau of dart transportations 2-3 Dela processing.

2LRsmalls premade salads like hospital I also use same containers for fruit i have grapes and watermelon chunk.

3Lrsmalls my target Pape or storage miinor fruit grabs like apples and oranges (grapes) an immersion blender tilex ziplock gallon laundry sheets and prepack soap souflet cups with lids lunchy sized Tupperware premade salad/fruit cup foil and Saran servingware (fork knife.spoon.) paper plates toothpicks usuable straws  Publix for salad mix grape tomatoes cigs yeah yeah.  139/63.  Watermelon and the nearest yeah yeah yeah over priced is nice microwave molds for poached eggs type sandwiches on biscuits muffin .

4LRsmalls a receipt showing application filed for section 8 housing help via a housing c someing voucher. Hcv. Via Pinellas county housing authority.  It seems they may open and process now next month maybe but I’m in cues at least.

Application for section 8

Behind the building unable to see signs but I’m here lost.

It’s across town this housing authority and I’m on my way

My notes to ask my doctor after meds blizzard began 634am walking to it.

I weigh 138.5 lbs  from last doc visit 155.5 last week.

This week I’m not uncontrolled BP as read above.  I did yes technically smoke zero nothing all week Sunday afternoon putting on a patch i needed to make the week.  139/63 98.3F.


I have doc double checking nephrology necessities but I’m set up into dialysis which means I technically see one.



Amlodopine x1 (morning once but 3 pm or evening dialysis days)

Hydralazine x2 m(night but not pre dialysis)

Calcitriol x1  (morning don’t process activate vitamin d with low kidney function or diabetes)

Levothyroxine x1 (no thyroid so this to replace it)

X1 mornings first unless adjust

X2 2 a day

Levemier 5 units nightly (subcutaneous injection)

Novologue sliding scale 115-140 one unit and one unit per 50 mg/dL higher (c sub cutaneous injection)

Checking: is out of stock at hospital time delivery.

Sevelamer a phoshate binder with meal

Now my day is “done “. 425 pm from 228 am.

Want some salad?  Ken’s sweet Vidalia onion dressing :).

As you can see I need meal planning. Next

I need referrals scheduled post hospital

Home health care calls tomorrow visited doc today.

Uber grant rides set up check tommorow

Dialysis outside of hospital begins

Wishjoy and love out as I selfishly stay in town not Colorado home right away even though I couldn’t anyways.  I also came HERE.


Bus number 9 Grand Central from gateway mall to 1117 Arlington ave n. St Petersburg FL 33705 (off bus a MLK & 2nd Ave n to walk 3 blocks to center.  My last bus is 935a out at 920a

110 each way – via bus while dart application is in process must cab if I choose dart forward or prove by doing I can bus which means for record I can be


That’s 28 a day for however long it takes to get dart service or if I take bus and walk 1.10 x 2 with disable card proof.  This choice is key in that otherwise I have less help if needed as I’m capable and these door to door rides are necessary luxuries?

Chair time 1045a( -245p) Mon, we’d, Fridays

Next I have a primary care doctor appointment Tuesday July ninth tomorrow 220p to cover  and post hospitalization visit.

Next up is lighthouse for the blind Monday training which was at 1-330p now clashing with dialysis.

Edit later

To get out now is 6 prescriptions at Publix near my home.

I’ll want certain items to maintain diet given. Dessert cup with lid 8 oz. And sundry things  too which brings target shopping up which is sorta next door.


Diet and med situation

Edits here later.

Housing issues forward

If possible

Colorado if timed out.



Because Humpty


Because tacos… Note the 2nd recipe includes beef broth via boullion that by my different experience makes thebeff taste like roast beef versus chintz hamburger/mince


What Happens When You Give Up On Sex In A Relationship

Because it’d be all get if I never have to be serviced or cherished.    Or I know lesser imput is sometimes others all.  But it sure seems a joke I it’s simple trust  gummed up waiting so one doesn’t have to put in knowing that’s precisely the fun and the magic.  As if it’s okay they’ll know the rules.   They’ll know “me”

Bride comes from old words to brew the new marriage gals job.  To make sure the drunks drank.  Beer is slimey gross to clean tween batches.  A singularly awful task lol.  Groom on the other hand is servant boy to become man.


The month is one of nasueas near daily vomit which after a month is most likely a knock on my clearing foods and fluids.   But oddly the yack is proof foods power to nourish is also lasting impact as in night before anytime I have actually spicy hot food it returns.  I had some beans honey chipotle… Funny I ate suitably lightly and next morning coffee and doughnut black dunked day oldd fritter failed to stay down it’s why I say coffee bugs me occassionally. But did it or was it beer somewhere in there last night?


I’ve one cig.  I may quit.  I feel I build nicely towards joy i want and felt it build then obliterated in the same old crumbled bullshit I’m a cost uh oh might bug someone who  doesn’t support good behaviour which is more important than life goals. Who wants support?  Obviously my thoughts fester a bit cesspool of faith.  I’m today totally back where i start building joy towards hope knowing it’ll build probably like wildfire when I give up hope I’ll ever matter or be trading joy not stoking up faith so so loseratass gets the credit not me.  Why would I ever deserve a side.  Why should I count except I say the nice shit and carebolstering iprogress and joy to try so I can lose I dont count in my own life if I need anything but I’m fabulous as a friend. Utter shit if you ask me.  So I softly show i still care as that’s strength and trust toward what i want and it just hasn’t came off yet.  I hope I’m not dilluded thinking I’m nearly there just so I’m not lost as an addicts security blanket of joy.


I guess I fear most I can’t be worth respect as I put my efforts to cultivate results.


I seem to encounter no in I’m worried fairly I’ve no big array of offerable resources past joy and support and hear how it’s wallet and strong seeming distance that not intimacy that counts as if I offer indeed correctly and viably and yet it’s a scare to choose me as im not an easy living im work.




Or worse I’m expected to prove it when others trust on the journey is the life lived and thus if I prove it it still is and always chose against as it wasn’t risked on their part so matters little.


Or worse still I’m only to be picked to interchangeable as any other fund a life forward I’m backing yet not making or making together.  I e show up with two people’s retirements so it’s easy to switch lives and offer fuck nothing just soak up gravy.


I don’t know that’s how I feel when I am there instantly on demand so often and oops my turn nope sorry it dies because I’ll do fuck nothing without trusting another’s opinion I hide behind after 15 years proof you do it all without much support.  The old days are a memory all you got is a placecard for photos so you don’t feel a fucking fool to be alone.  Yet I’m not enough. There in joy daily.  To easy telling me no.  Why would Humpty here me be together


Helping me keep my peace the. Reality of notions is I’m not owed anything.   I work freelance as I gain freely too that i seek.  I’m not beholdant because I have.  I know what I badly want. And it’s natural but I can come about goodly or badly.  I hope by my ability to sustain  I show I care but I am costed sometimes.  I can hope again after seeming disaster.


I just know it’s like wanting it over the fight to count not because I suspect that ends pfew! The struggles it only begins them but pyric victory is sad I can’t be broken in faith then win as that’s a loss no matter what comes next.  I want to enjoy that which I seek which to be clear is together.


I don’t want to lose I fought to not have to.  I can be me in joy and win by also being within this best I can be that is expected.


Right now it seems to paint a bit of a new life me but that nagging worry I can do it oh I know I can!!! But yet again wimp out my turn my upbuilding.  I need for instance some joy some sex otherwise it’s playtime waste I never will matter it isn’t quite worth the effort.  Will I be paid this effort?  Will I offer correctly mine back not some bullshit I wanna but really come through in ways I’m built up to show I succeeded just for you?  Or is it just show up rich or fuck off loser?  Oh I know how thin the line is tween supporting and undermining.


That link illustrates when I can be after signing up for a pel Grant to return to school which I did have but I could not afford to relocate or travel at 1030 pm  60 each night back across town multiple times a week.  Or logistically, school became recast as find pt work to afford the apartment/ housing to forward.

It’s this day 6/17/19 or 9 months effectively from beginning this process of multiple state agencies involved to obtain access to services and or work and after 2 weeks from evaluation supposedly beginning quickly! I start 6/24 Monday afternoons 2.5 hours weekly or a 2 credit hour class by college time to?


Become trained at

Zoomtext and it’s underlying programs it works within like office and readers.


This was the same class again teaching me dbase 4 dos and wordperfect proficiency 25 years ago.  This is so that:

I type 29 wpm no sleep

This will improve to around 40 wpm which is about my typical speed leaving office support technology class after months of proficiency drilling how to type tough q words and a proper format.

I will be able to show proficiency justifying not just the need OF adaptation but the proven proficiency utilizing it

It is?

$875 and still in this modern age crashes occassionalky but finally in modern versions works with remote desktop a must! As how I’d likely work is keystroke in real time recorded remotely along with the calls to quality control.  To not be proficient is to not have skills….only potential…. Potential like love pays no bills.


Here is a walk through of how boring life can be


I can hit capslock plus arrow keys (the command hotkeys of this program) I do know a few hotkeys to not touch a mouse as in I don’t waste time looking for things when I’m blind… What I lack is a better proficiency.  Speed.  I get paid for production so as ugly as this is for impatience sake!  The resource develops jobs from the community.  They get paid by teaching skills.  I will like anyone show paid them improvement and maybe via their or my own luck obtain work


That’s the goal.  That’s the frustration potential of tools for visually impaired (legally blind can mean some sight but very limited.) I do everything by sight I don’t know Braille.  I don’t know screen readers.

Rent went up just in time.

It’s quite a thin situation counting on a small skill improvement meant mainly to fund the system I need use of.  I’m obviously responsible to get this and pay everyone accordingly first…. Without gauruntee one I benefit of these arrangements.  It’s

5 3 7 23 roughly 3 caseworkers via 2 state agencies their support staff where appropriate a variety of medical oversight now professional development services and training. A lot of bus drivers everyone paid.   Paid first.  Training.  In the same stuff within a new tools paradigm.  Pretty thin stuff but!  Contrary to misinformation I’m justly allowed a chance to work but unlike the perception versus actual law I must prove I can do the job versus being looked at and judged capable.  This means I might not fit the team because they have all confidence on site employees I can be passed over simply not *liking my qualifications* I e my face.  It’s up to me to prove discrimination


.. in other words best to meet qualifications handily offering tax incentives

Wotc to the rescue.  This is why nine months to begin training is not unheard of time to services beginning.  Just beginning.  Work opportunity tax credit is 10 grand off hiring a disabled veteran  but 2400 for disabled folk like me who did not! Serve. That is a 7 person workman’s comp insurance payment for the year with me hired.  That’s well over 1 dollar anhour off my wages which in part time work is more like 2 dollars an hour or 25 percent off.  Incentive I pay 40 people so far to go through these processes.  When I’m hired a community went to work because of me.  In that I’m not haughty.  That’s deadly true.


Pondering the ponderosa

Other than two items Dandelion wine and jurac’s jc tonic I’m not aware of dandelion save it’s really bitter.


I’ll be hoping after the following as well

Diuretic oils as Lasik hasn’t really made an impact.

A foot/calf massager as much as they aren’t people it’s difficult to rub yourself.

Spiritually, I know the following is great advice but in truth I just never once had that model success of multiple small things to make up my whole.


Yes it’s troublesome to be wary of choices as there is little  room for this fine advice on the paradigms life I have but that’s choice too.  It’s annoying but there is room to make positive movements.


However this notion of I can hop a bike or charm a ride is not true. There is no auto and or much! Extra time as mine is to be utilized getting there or away.


Now because I can’t one way why not another?  I see no reason I just take head honcho and the extra dough is cab to work versus late. Never be late… Death isn’t even an excuse!


And same with healthy-. I’ve tried a lot of healthy’s. So even keel here.  Believe and be skepticism together